It’s time for the annual
list of ways to avoid eating too much at Thanksgiving dinner. I’ll try not to repeat myself too much.
• Start an argument. If you
have to defend your position, you’re talking, and if you’re talking, you’re not
stuffing your face. Bonus points: if you lose the argument, you can walk off in
a huff, thereby burning calories.
• Sit next to a toddler. Toddlers
need help cutting things up and sitting still.
They are also incredibly messy eaters, which may help curb your own
appetite.
• Sit next to the oldest person there. Hearing
about the latest health scares/operations/bodily process dysfunctions should
deter you from the giblet gravy, at least.
• Wear a white shirt. You don’t
want to be that person covered in cranberry stains.
• Ask Aunt Mabel to make that thing. You know,
the one no one likes. That way, everyone
wins after taking just enough to be polite.
• Tell your mom you’re a vegetarian. She will
suddenly realize that there is bacon in everything and you’ll be left with the
rolls and butter. Then tell her you’ve
gone gluten and dairy free. Note: if you do this in advance, you run the risk
of having to eat Tofurkey, which will probably keep you from eating for the
rest of your life.
• If all else fails, go for moderation. Holidays
are important and a little stuffing or pumpkin pie is not going to end the
world.
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