Monday Workout: V-DAY!

I am not much of a fan of Valentine’s Day (sorry, folks!) and I’m going to spread the love (heh).  This workout works like the (infamous) 12 Days of Christmas workout, but since it’s Valentine’s, there are 14 things.  Here’s how it works:  on the first day of Valentine’s, we do a plank.  On the second day, we do two pushups and one plank.  And so on until we finish all fourteen virtual days.  The good news is that we only go through once.

 

1 plank or star plank

2 pushup

3 renegade rows

4 1 leg squats each leg

5 1 leg deadlifts each leg

6 calf lifts

7 burpees

8 (jump) lunges

9 suitcase swings

10 clean and press

11 standing mountain climbers

12 woodchoppers

13 jacks

14 squats

High Anxiety...

Exercise anxiety is a real thing.  A lot of people in our society have been traumatized by P.E. classes or bullies or jocks or mean girls and, as a result, find it difficult to show up in the gym without a certain amount of panic.  Here are five things to do to help with that anxiety:

 

1.     Breathe.  Taking slow, deep breaths can help.  If we feel too amped up, making our exhales longer than our inhales can chill us out a bit.  Conversely, if we need a bit more energy, a longer inhale might help.  No matter what (if any) pattern of breathing we choose, we want to encourage ourselves to breathe into our bellies, slowly, rather than adding energy to the anxiety with shallow, chest breaths.

2.     Take a buddy.  Not necessarily the one who works out all the time.  We want the one who helps us laugh and/or relax.  We want the human security blanket person who understands that this situation is hard for us and does what they can to make it easier on us, whether that is staring down the mean girls or figuring out how the heck to start the treadmill.

3.     Go when the gym is less crowded.  This might be very first thing in the morning, when only the two super dedicated old people claim their own personal elliptical trainers, or early in the afternoon when the college students aren’t awake yet and the parents have left to gather their preschoolers, or well after the after-work crowd have finished.  That way, there is a chance to figure stuff out without anybody watching.

4.     Alternatively, go when the gym is busy.  When there are tons of people all around, literally no one will notice one more.

5.     Repeat:  I am a worthwhile human and I have every right to be here taking care of myself, no matter how much or how little space I take up, whether I lift every weight in this place or none at all, whether I set a speed record on the treadmill or never get out of a walk.  It may take a while, but with enough reps, we’ll get stronger at it.

 

If none of those work, talk to me.  We can figure out what the right approach might be and we can try a bunch of stuff.  We can do this.

Rock It

I made the mistake, back a long time ago, of asking who Sisyphus was, when he was referenced in whatever it was we were reading in French.  Stupid teachers who want you to learn things!  Off to the library I went (yes, this was before there was such a thing as the Internet, children), where I discovered not only Sisyphus but existentialism and other cheerful philosophies.  For those of you who have not had this life experience, I will summarize:  Sisyphus, due to his impressive ability to piss off the gods, was sentenced to roll a rock up a hill only to have it roll down again, over and over, for eternity.

 

No, this is not my new workout plan.

 

I am sharing this story because sometimes fitness feels like a punishment.  Every day, there’s that damn rock again and we are so tired of pushing it up that hill.  But, as we high school students discovered in our discussion of the story, there is one way for Sisyphus to escape his punishment:  to like rolling rocks.  Then it becomes:  every day I get to roll that rock.  The rock is the same.  What Sisyphus does all day is the same.  He just enjoys it.

 

Now, I am not saying that we need to slap a sunny attitude on a terrible thing.  Not at all.  What I am saying is that we need to figure out what kind of workout is a get to instead of a have to for us.  (Maybe some of us would like to roll rocks for a workout?  Probably not.)  If running, for example, is worse than an eternity rolling rocks, we can do something else every day, like swimming, or dancing, or, I don’t know, pogo-stick racing.

 

This might be mixing too many kinds of religious belief, but here’s a dose of Buddhist perspective:  pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  The fitness version of that is:  sweat is essential, but the method can be fun.

 

Go play.

Fighting the Power Is Good Exercise, Too

If the Personal Trainer Police exist, they’re probably going to come get me for saying this, but whatever:  I’m just not that into weight loss.  Sure, I know about it and I know how to help clients if that’s their goal, but I just don’t think it’s that important.  Hear me out about why.

 

A number on a scale doesn’t mean anything except what we attach to it.  Two bodies with the same scale number can look radically different, and, more importantly, feel radically different.  We have bought, as a society, the Kool-Aid that the lower the number the better.  This is not true.

 

Here is what I am excited about instead of weight loss.  I am excited when people get stronger.  I am excited when they change their body composition and shape by lifting weights and building lean body mass.  I am prone to celebrate when I hear that my clients were able to do something they never could before or weren’t able to do for a long time because of the hard work they’ve put in during their workouts.  I love it when my clients fall in love with what their bodies are capable of and how they look and feel as powerful humans.

 

I do care about health, but it turns out that exercise (cardio, weight lifting, and mindbody practices) impacts health even if weight loss doesn’t occur.  Another thing that has massive health impact?  Stress.  So stressing out about weight loss or lack of weight loss is not helpful.  I want my clients to find exercise that they enjoy (or at least don’t hate), to love themselves for being miraculous this very moment, and to live full, rich lives.

 

So, yeah, I can help people lower the number on the scale, but I’d rather amp up the joy in their lives by building strong, confident, and comfortable humans.

Monday Workout: One More New One!

 

This week we have yet another new exercise, but it’s a combination of two we already do often:  pushups and renegade rows.  Here’s how it works:  from pushup position, do a pushup, then row one arm up.  Do another pushup and row the other arm up.  Ta-da!  Everything else should be familiar.  Three rounds!

 

step ups	30
deadlifts	20
pushup renegade row	10
jacks	30
bench press	20
reverse fly	10
squat to leg lift	30
curls	20
Russian twist	10

 

Friday Book Report: What Fresh Hell Is This?

I was given What Fresh Hell Is This:  Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities, and You by Heather Corinna by my kids.  It was a highly appropriate gift from several perspectives.  Captain Obvious here:  I’m somewhere in the menopause process (hard to tell exactly where, since I had my uterus removed a few years back, but my ovaries are still in there doing things or maybe not).  But also, my dear daughter in law Sam is a social worker with Scarleteen, which Corinna founded and runs.

 

I have been making a point of talking about menopause things out loud often because I felt like I came into this process totally unprepared.  I mean, I’d heard about hot flashes, but cold flashes?  Who knew?  Not me.  I think it’s time for whatever cultural reticence or taboo (or, you know, men thinking women’s processes are icky) to get out of the way so we can know what the heck is going on.

 

This book is extremely helpful.  It’s full of useful information presented in plain and inclusive language.  Ageism, sexism, racism, and ableism are called out repeatedly.  Those who are uncomfortable with swear words, LGBTQ+ issues, varieties of sexual practice, and less conventional relationship choices will have some adjusting to do and/or might prefer a different messenger for this particular message, but again, the data is sound and the aim is uplifting, encouraging, and hopeful without being bright-siding (in other words, when stuff sucks, Corinna says it sucks).

 

I highly recommend it for people in the process, or who are with people in the process, or for people who will sooner or later be in the process.

Step away from the spoons...

I am a stress eater.  I am always looking for ways to deal with stress that don’t involve diving head first into the Häagen Dazs.  Here are five:

 

1.     Take a nap.  Sometimes we just need a rest to reset our stress-meter.

2.     Go for a walk.  And not with the local café with those delicious pastries as a destination.  Fresh air, sunlight, and motion are all good stress-busters.

3.     Call a friend.  Connection reduces stress.  Even a short break to catch up can do wonders.

4.     Breathe.  Deep breaths get us back in touch with our body rhythms.

5.     Do something that needs both hands.  Read a book, knit, play drums, fold the laundry.  If both hands are working, they can’t be shoving pretzels into our faces.

 

Got any more?