In general, I would argue that we
need more politeness in the world rather than less. A little social lubrication goes a long way toward
preventing riots and mayhem and freeway shootings. However, I think there is one way the politeness habit does
us a disservice. We feel we have
to respond. And that can get in
the way of mindful behavior. Go
with me here…
We all have or know of someone
who has a toxic relationship. At a
certain point, the only way to deal with the mess is to get out of it, block
the number, move away, get the restraining order, whatever is necessary. No matter what stimulus the toxic
person offers, we have to ignore it because nothing good will come of
responding. But every time, when
the phone rings or the text comes or whatever, we have to fight our politeness
training that says we have to answer.
Now let’s apply the principle to
a more metaphorical relationship.
Let’s imagine we have a toxic relationship with ice cream. There we are at the store and the ice cream
speaks to us. It would be rude to
ignore it, right? We are trained
to reply to stimulus. When we are
mindful, we can choose not to answer the ice cream. We can blow it off, no matter what promises it makes about
how this time it is going to be different.
Maybe ice cream will stop liking
us. I think we can cope with that.
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