Friday Book Report: Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence has been around for a while, but I didn’t get around to reading it until now.  In some ways, this is a meta-book, drawing together information from a lot of different researchers, some of whose work I have read in other contexts. 

Perhaps it is because the ideas have already seeped out into the culture or perhaps because they seem intuitive, but I didn’t think there was that much exciting in the book.  Essentially, knowing how to recognize and manage our emotions allows us to function in society to the best of our other abilities; we unlock our other intelligences by using our emotional intelligence.

From a fitness perspective, this concept speaks to engaging the mind-body connection.  We recognize our emotions in part through how they feel in our bodies.  Tuning into our bodies and using our bodies to enhance or soothe our emotional state will create a better starting point for our other activities in life.

Door number 1

Time for a list of things that induce happiness, which reduces stress, which increases health.  Ten things!

1.     Going outside!

2.     Singing along with the radio, in the shower, or with friends.

3.    Hot water.  May combine with tea and consume, or bubbles and soak.

4.     Bubbles.  Blowing them compels breathing, which is always good.

5.     Hugs.

6.    Knock knock jokes.  Or puns.  Or banana peels.  Whatever it takes to make laughter.

7.     Babies, human or animal.

8.     Art, visual, performance, textual, etc.  Make it or check it out.

9.     Sweat.  If achieved through chores/yardwork, bonus points for achievement.  If achieved through exercise, bonus points for health.  If achieved through sex, double bonus points that require no explanation.

10. Gratitude.  If things could be worse, that means there are things to be grateful for, and things could always be worse.

Pits!

Sometimes when we work out, we fall into pits.  Not literally, unless we are doing some sort of extreme obstacle course training, in which case I am not part of the we we are discussing!  Metaphorical pits are just as dangerous to our fitness goals as literal ones.

Not surprisingly, the most common pits are at opposite ends of a spectrum.  When in doubt, choose the middle road.

One end might best be described as the pit of despair.  We can’t do anything right.  We will never achieve our goals.  We pretty much suck at everything we are doing.  Everyone else in the entire universe is better, stronger, faster, more coordinated, and cuter.  Nope.  Not true.  We can always improve.  When we work hard, good things will happen.  True, the first thing that happens may be that we develop some extreme patience, but that is a good thing.  When we fall into the pit of despair, we need to use the Ladder of Doing Something.  Anything we do is better than nothing, because the bottom of the pit is a depressing place to be.  Walk five minutes.  Do one pushup.  Do a forward bend and try to reach your knees (no, not your toes; that’s for a day when you are not in the pit.).

The other end is the pit of comfort.  It’s nice there.  We are nice.  We recognize that we are so nice that we don’t feel like we have to do much of anything.  This pit is sneaky.  We may not even recognize that we are in it because it is so cozy there, doing the same easy exercises over and over again.  The way out of this pit is the Ladder of One More and One Higher.  Do the extra rep.  Add a pound or two or five to the weight.  Try the advanced version of the exercise.

We are both awesome and terrible at the same time.  We can offer solace through effort to our terrible selves and motivation through striving to our awesome selves.

Join me?

I might need some patience in this post because my ideas are sometimes not as coherent as I’d like them to be.  Lately, I feel like it is more important to say something, even if I don’t get it quite right, and correct it later rather than say nothing because it might not be perfect.

We live in a divided and divisive society.  Conflict is everywhere, in families, among friends, even between our own bodies and minds.  Conflict, like stress, is not necessarily bad, unless we deal with it in ways that hurt ourselves or others.  At best, conflict is a challenge that gives us an opportunity for growth.

One of the reasons I love to work in fitness is that I find the strength that builds in our bodies empowers us in other areas of our lives.  When we become more mindful and flexible and strong physically, we also grow mentally and spiritually.  It’s a holistic process (I lived in Berkeley for 20 years, so I am allowed to use the word holistic.).

I also believe that as we grow, we have a responsibility to help others grow, too.  We can choose to connect and to learn together and to build.

End of the manifesto part.  On to the practical.  I may not be able to save the world, but I can open my studio.  On Friday mornings at 7, I will be teaching mat Pilates to anyone who comes.  (Message me if you don’t know where my studio is and all that stuff…)  We can take an hour to be mindful together while moving.

On every weekday morning, I’ll be in the studio meditating between 6 and 7.  Anyone who likes can join me.  I’m not an expert at meditation.  I have no formal training and no certifications.  I may be playing some guided meditation CDs or I may be playing meditative music or I may just be sitting there quietly.  I have some pillows and such for sitting, or bring your own.  I don’t have a lot to offer, but I can offer a space and a time for anyone who would like to share.

Monday workout: Slam and punch

This week’s workout includes two fun pieces of equipment, a medicine ball and a kettle bell.  If anyone happens to have any aggression lying around, this workout will help channel it into something positive:  between the ball slams and the punches, our imaginary demons will end up smashed to smithereens!

Do three rounds.

woodchoppers	30
ball slams	20
rescues	10
kb swings	30
kb twists	20
kb 8s	10
punches	30
squats	20
good mornings	10

Friday Book Review: Margot Fonteyn

I think that ballerinas are bad-ass.  (Male dancers are, too, of course, but that is not as relevant to the current topic.)  They have to be both incredibly strong and incredibly flexible.  They need to balance in improbable positions, maintain a strong sense of musicality, and make everything nearly impossible look essentially effortless.  Also, they get to wear satiny shoes and tutus.  In this context, it is no surprise that when I ran across a copy of Margot Fonteyn’s Autobiography for $.99, I bought it.

Her prose is deft and her story interesting, although I get the impression that she liked pretty much everyone, or at least had good enough manners not to say anything nasty or competitive.  She certainly had amazing opportunities created by her hard work to see the world and meet many powerful people.

I admit I am a little obsessed right now with the question of the responsibility of public figures in sports/entertainment/arts when it comes to social issues.  Given that, I was dismayed at her account of her decision to perform in apartheid-era South Africa and by her adulation for Imelda Marcos.  However, I have the luxury of forming an opinion after history has spoken.

The photos are breathtaking.  Then again, I could look at dancers all day.

If you are looking for a fairy tale, this book is up your alley.  (Do fairy tales ever happen in alleys?)

Little by little

Let’s talk about the small stuff.  Sometimes it is harder than the big stuff, but here are five small things that can create positive change in our lives.

Change the chair.  Desk time happens for all of us.  If we swap out the chair for an exercise ball for even some of the day, we will notice the difference in our posture, our core control, and our stress level (because who can sit without bouncing every once in a while on a giant ball?).  If that’s not an option, try standing, or at least stretching in place every hour.

Trade in the drink.  Substitute a glass of water for any one other beverage during the day.  We can save calories, reduce our caffeine levels, increase our hydration, and enable our bodies to flush out the bad stuff.

Embrace the tofu.  Maybe not literally: that would be messy.  The fewer animal products we consume, the better the results for our health.  One day a week, go veg.  If that’s too much, try one meal.

Go the long way.  When we come back from the store with all those bags of groceries, we can make lots of trips back and forth to bring them all in.  We can alternate upstairs and downstairs chores.  We can choose the lunch spot based on walking distance rather than cuisine.

Breathe.  In.  Out.  Repeat.  Nice and slow, nice and deep, all day long.