All the secrets, revealed!

I have been holding out on everyone.  Here is the perfect diet and exercise program for all of us.

All this emphasis on whole foods, water, and vegetables is killing us.  What we really need to be eating is processed food because how else are we going to live forever?  We need all those preservatives!  And we don’t want our bodies to have to do all the work of breaking down whole grains when we have the food industrial complex to do it for us.  Organics are also highly overrated—I personally don’t want to be infested with pests, so bring on the chemical pesticides.

As far as exercise is concerned, what we really need to do is limit it as much as possible.  What makes us tired?  Working out, that’s what!  If we want to feel younger and more energetic, we need to lie on the couch all day watching cartoons like we did when we were kids on Saturday mornings.  Have we ever felt better?  I don’t think so.  What more evidence do we need?

Oh, maybe walk to the calendar and check the date.

It will certainly help...

In uncertain times, I resort to two kinds of fitness:  cardio and Pilates.  Cardio exercise is my go-to mood enhancer.  And it isn’t just some weird quirk of my personality—science indicates that cardio exercise can work better than antidepressants to improve mood (DO NOT stop taking antidepressants without talking to a doctor; consider adding exercise as well.).  It also suggests that cardio improves general brain function and I certainly feel less depressed when my brain works.

Pilates, on the other hand, along with its cousins yoga and stretching, helps with the tension and anxiety parts.  All those mindbody disciplines ground us back into our breath.  We move stuck parts and stretch contracted muscles.  We breathe.  We remember how to be flexible while staying strong.  We rediscover the rhythms of our movements and the cooperation of muscle and bone.

Cardio exercise, thankfully, is easily available to all of us.  We can all walk or run or dance in even limited space.  Some of us may have clothes storage devices hiding in our rooms that secretly used to be exercise bikes or treadmills or the like—this would be a great time to lift the spell and return them to their original form.

Pilates with equipment may be harder to come by, but we can all sit and focus on our breathing and do a few simple stretches to remind our bodies that they don’t have to be clenched all the time.

If even that seems too hard, just keep breathing.

Monday Workout: No Equipment? No problem!

More tools for home workouts… without tools!  This workout doesn’t require anything but a body.  If you have a bench or a strong chair, you can use it for cardio or to modify your pushups, but it isn’t needed.  Do as many rounds as seem good to you, but three seems like a good number.

cardio warm up	1-2 minutes
e.g.  jacks, step ups,
mountain climbers
burpees (heh)
jump rope
squats	20
1 leg squats	10
lunges	20
pushups	10
punches	20
pretty princesses	10
brains	10

Thanksgiving happens on a Thursday...

Gratitude is good for us.  Practicing it makes us better at it and also helps us experience more joy.  In hard times, it can be a challenge to find the good parts (and sometimes it is all right to make a list of all the things that suck.  We are allowed to feel our feelings.).  Here are five fitness-related things I am thankful for:

1.     My body.  My body is not perfect.  It is getting older.  I’ve injured it in various places.  There are bulges and aches and sometimes weird noises.  And yet, my body gets me where I want to go and lets me experience this fabulous world of ours.

2.     Science.  How many of us would not be alive now if it weren’t for science?  If I managed to survive the childhood illnesses I was vaccinated against, I would not have survived giving birth to my first child without the interventions of science and medicine.  We can use science to help us get and stay healthy, and to plan our fitness programs to be most effective for our bodies.

3.     Nature.  We thrive on fresh air and sunlight and water and trees.  A workout is made better if we see flowers or meet friendly dogs.

4.     Indoor plumbing.  Not only does the plumbing help us keep germs in their place, but we also have showers and baths.  Fitness without smelling horrible forever is a Good Thing.

5.     Strength.  Yes, I mean the kind that I use to move my own furniture and open my own jars, but I also mean the kind that helps me finish difficult tasks because I have practiced doing hard things before.

What are YOU grateful for today?

As I tell the kids, don't bite the bedbugs; they hate that.

Life with the world somewhat shut down is a little… boring.  Sure, there are movies and books and workouts and crafts and games, but still, eventually, boring.  Here is the good news:  we can sleep.

Google says that, on average, we Americans get 6.8 hours of sleep per night.  Most of us can attest that this is Not Enough.  Now that we’re not allowed to go play with our friends, we can seize the blankets!  Naps are wonderful!  There’s nothing to stay up too late to do!  We can snooze away the time we would have spent commuting!

Sleep deficits are bad for us.  Our brains don’t work as well.  Our psyches don’t either.  We all know that our bodies complain.

Extra time in bed is the lemonade of this time, so to speak.